When Breastfeeding Feels Hard: Understanding Breastfeeding Agitation

Breastfeeding is often described as a beautiful bonding experience — a quiet rhythm shared between mother and baby. But for some mothers, breastfeeding can also bring unexpected feelings of discomfort, irritation, or even anger. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone.

This experience has a name: Breastfeeding Aversion and Agitation (BAA).

What is Breastfeeding Agitation?

Breastfeeding agitation is when a mother experiences sudden and strong negative emotions while her baby is nursing. These emotions can range from mild irritation to intense agitation or anger. Some mothers describe it as an overwhelming need to stop feeding immediately, or a sensation of their skin “crawling” during a feed.

These feelings usually disappear once the baby unlatches — which can make them all the more confusing.

You’re Not a Bad Mother

Many mothers who experience breastfeeding agitation feel guilty or ashamed. They might wonder what’s wrong with them, or fear that they no longer love breastfeeding — or even their baby. But it’s important to remember:

• These feelings do not reflect your love or care for your child.

• You have done nothing wrong.

• You are not alone — this is something many mothers experience, even if it’s rarely spoken about.

Not to Be Confused with D-MER

It’s important to know that Breastfeeding Agitation is not the same as Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (D-MER).

D-MER is a condition where a breastfeeding or pumping mother experiences sudden, intense negative emotions — such as anxiety, sadness, or anger — just before and during milk letdown. These emotions are brief, usually lasting only a few minutes, and happen as a reflex triggered by hormonal changes, not by thoughts or feelings about breastfeeding. D-MER is caused by fluctuations in dopamine and oxytocin levels and is distinct from postpartum depression or general emotional struggles.

In contrast, Breastfeeding Agitation usually occurs while the baby is feeding (not just during letdown) and often lasts as long as the child is latched. It may include sensations of irritation, discomfort, or the urge to stop feeding.

Why Does It Happen?

We still don’t fully understand what causes breastfeeding aversion, but research and lived experiences suggest a few common factors:

• Hormonal changes: Some mothers notice it happens just before or during their menstrual cycle, or during pregnancy.

• Sleep deprivation and exhaustion: Being overly tired can make emotions and sensations feel much more intense.

• Feeling “touched out”: Constant physical contact — especially when you’re feeding on demand — can make you feel overstimulated or overwhelmed.

• Older babies or toddlers: Some mothers notice agitation when their child becomes more active, distracted, or starts twiddling the other nipple while feeding.

Each woman’s experience is unique, and the intensity can vary from day to day.

What Can Help

If you’re struggling with breastfeeding agitation, know that there are gentle ways to cope and care for yourself:

• Take breaks when you can. Even a few quiet minutes alone can help you reset.

• Distract your mind during feeds. Try reading, listening to music, or watching something calming.

• Stay nourished and hydrated. Hunger, dehydration, and low blood sugar can make irritation worse.

• Get rest whenever possible. A short nap, shared night duties, or asking for help can make a real difference.

• Set gentle boundaries. If your toddler’s twiddling or frequent night feeds are overwhelming, it’s okay to begin setting limits that protect your wellbeing.

• Reach out for support. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands can help lighten the load.

When to Seek Help

If these feelings become too intense, or you start noticing thoughts that frighten you, please speak to a healthcare provider or an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). Sometimes, aversion can be linked to hormonal imbalances, mental health challenges, or burnout — and with the right support, things can get better.

You Deserve Support Too

Breastfeeding is a relationship — and both you and your baby matter in that relationship. If you are experiencing breastfeeding agitation, please know: you’re not failing. You’re responding to very real physical and emotional signals from your body.

At SACLC, we’re here to listen, support, and guide you through every part of your breastfeeding journey — even the parts that don’t feel easy or blissful.

💬 If you’d like to talk to a lactation consultant, have a look at one of our experienced members on our site and find one in your area www.salactationconsultants.co.za 

You don’t have to navigate this alone.